good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
