i just sent this text using only my big toe
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ttyl tear gas
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
