So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
