Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
