im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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