i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
