I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
