____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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