i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
