After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
