I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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