a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
