We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
