If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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