He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
