we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
