I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish you could order shots online.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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