so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
