He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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