If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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