Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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