you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
