Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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