You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
