ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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