I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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