Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
