Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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