Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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