u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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