people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
