my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i will never coherently bang her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
