Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it glows. i had to have it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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