Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
