so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
