my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
love makes seman taste better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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