he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I intend to get homeless drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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