drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
