so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
