Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
