So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
