Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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