My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
