hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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