I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
