youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
