hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sarcasm needs its own font
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
