Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
