Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
