I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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