If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
