Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
