His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
